Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
