My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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