everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
