I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
