sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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