if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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