I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize