I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
