Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
