The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
