You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize