No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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