that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
