Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
