I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
