So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
