just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
