I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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