I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So vagazzling was a success
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
