So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
