either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
