The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
