batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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