no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
