she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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