pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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