he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize