I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Floor bacon is actually really good
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
