This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
