Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
