At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
