Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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