She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
