I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
