ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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