we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
