its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
