I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
