Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
