I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
