So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
