It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
