just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Everyone says I win the strip club
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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