It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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