I accidentally burped into my bong.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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