What a fucking waste of an outfit
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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