Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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