I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
