i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
