remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
