is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
