i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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