I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
