Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
