i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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