you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
