the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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