So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
