dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
