I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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