trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
