Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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