Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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