Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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