is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
