You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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