so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
