so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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