What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
