i just made my gag reflex go away.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
