apparently the secret to your success is patron
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He did a backflip because drugs
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
