I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
