I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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