I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
