I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize