Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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