she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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