were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
