She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she told me i tasted like america
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
