I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
