You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
In America we eat man semen.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
