I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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