i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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