Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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