I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
